One of the Guises of the Cult!

In the last few days, disturbing news has reached all of us here at EmjaHQ! It seems that the False Commander—no longer content with merely reigning over his terrorised subjects—has formed a cult, in which enrolment is mandatory for all who do not wish to suffer his terrible wrath! 

Comrades! We have someone special here to share their moving personal testimony on the sinister new organisation allegedly founded by the false Commander. Our longtime friend and contributing editor Emgro, has bravely agreed to share his story. “It was awful” Emgro began breathlessly, “Crolly made me part of the initiation ritual for the clan. He would give me a two minute head start, then have them hunt me. When they inevitably caught me (I’m only a small haggis, having been but a child when Crolly stole me), they were to make my eyes even wonkier. After the first week I could only see left and right, never straight ahead. Crolly’s depravity knows no bounds.” We thank Emgro for his astonishing courage in coming forward, live well in Emja’s embrace!

Another longtime friend of Commander Emja HQ, TBD, the emancipated highland coo, has also agreed to share their story of the egregious abuses she suffered under this appalling cult. TBD’s account follows: “I don’t even know where to begin” TBD says almost inaudibly, “The Commander forced me to wear glasses—very similar to his—to hide the bruises! Every Friday he and his cultists would invade my field and subject me to a beating. He would say he was ‘tenderising the steak’. It wasn’t until Emja rescued me I knew true freedom! Long may she reign!”